Wednesday, November 30, 2005

dead mans wheelchair!!!

for those of you unable to attend tonight, there will (probably) be live internet feed. go to www.slakrz.com starting around 9 pm ab time and see! or dont, we are inadequately rehearsed and i am fucking scared. at least i would be were it not for the fact that nearly every performance i have ever given was inadequately rehearsed and it seems to be my way.
see you there!

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

M's Esoteric Theory of Everything; Hidden in plain Sight

god is love is will is magick is matter is energy is all. the will of god is love. the matter of god is energy. love is the magick of god. magick is the love of god. the god of magick is will.
see? its so simple.
Now, the trouble I see with all of that is, if God is in fact love, and is also omniscient, what does this say about the nature of love itself? It is not always gentle, for one.
What else?
Magick is the energy that animates the All. It is the means by which all that is comes to be. Magick is what moves all that moves and makes all that grows grow. Magick is the Will made manifest.
There is this book that says God made man in his image. Why would he do that? What does that mean about humanity?
Dont ask me, I dont know anything anymore. None of my knowledge belongs to me. My mind has popped open, and what is spilling out is getting mixed up with what is spilling in. The huge amount I have yet to learn dwarfs my little store of brainstuffing.
The universe just gets bigger and more complicated every day.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

just a reminder

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Sex in Church: SpiRitual Intercourse

Goodness me is has got lively around here again.
Interreligious dialogue? Is that dialogue between the subscribers of various religions or communication between the traditions themselves? For me it comes down to both. I have discovered something recently. The first half of my life was spent completely immersed in the church, and it has shaped who I am as surely as the craft has. It shaped my approach to the craft. The symbolism and doctrines were incorporated into my psyche when I wasn’t looking. This is something that has occurred to me dimly in the past, as I tried to make sense of it all, but now is right in my face and will not be going away. So I have been examining my roots and how inextricably bound up in my total spirituality those teachings are, and what has emerged now that a certain type of sacred marriage has taken place in my own mind. In this spirit I give you my recent thoughts.
I do not look at Eucharist as sexual in the sense some may be thinking, but if you examine the core symbology there are some correspondences. The cup represents the vessel bearing new life, yes? New life as expressed through blood, symbolized (in most traditions) by wine. The womb sheds blood, the womb shelters new life. The cup was used to symbolize the womb in many ritual traditions because this is what it made people think of, but in the tarot, the cup is also the heart. The host represents the body, the physical manifestation of a spiritual truth. So it can be thought of as the joining of heart and body, mind and spirit. Union on all levels, within the self, and with God. About as complete a mystical marriage as one could ask for.
While I am quite sure that most Christians don’t think of it specifically in that way, the implication is nonetheless there. It does not threaten, but rather enhances ones understanding of the whole meaning. Just as the claim that the church is laid out to symbolize the female reproductive organs may not seem valid to those who are uncomfortable with that imagery, the implication is there. Certainly the most transformative activity takes place at the spot where the uterus itself would be, and the developing fetus. Think of that. A sanctuary sheltering a growing, living thing. Do you disagree that that is what it is supposed to be? People say "mother church". People enter, engage in ritual union with spirit, partake of new life, and emerge reborn. That shape may ALSO represent a cross, but the cross as a sacred symbol is also older than Christianity, and what did it mean, for example, to the Celts when they incorporated it? It meant both. Don’t believe me? Look at the Celtic cross. What does that circle around it represent, I wonder? Answer: more than you think it does. Way more.
The acknowledgement that there may be undertones of sacred sexuality, of feminine power within Christian ritual tradition, does not diminish the significance of the rest, nor is it intended as some kind of obscenity as I think my priest may be thinking. When we say sacred sexuality, we are not referring only to bodily drives or a bodily process. There are deep spiritual associations in the idea of two opposite forces merging and becoming one, transforming, creating something new between them. These things are deep, universal parts of human nature and the psyche. They express themselves subconsciously even when consciously repressed, just ask Freud. The fact that some people never thought of those associations before does not mean they are not there.
Like it or not, people built the church. They expressed their innate sense of the sacred within it, of which for many sexuality was part. The idea of the body as somehow dirty and sexuality shameful was quite an alien one for some cultures.
In the same way, the towering steeple is thought to represent the masculine principle. Erect ascending, proclaiming, obvious, outer, it shelters and protects the internal. It inspires (fertilizes) the mind and heart.
All over the world, lots of the old ways were snuck into the church, because people needed to reconcile themselves somehow to the change, which they largely had no choice in making. As my beloved priest observed, you cannot change peoples thinking overnight. You cannot walk into a patriarchal society and suddenly demand that perfect equality be granted to women just like that. Just so, you cannot walk into a pagan environment and expect to eradicate deeply integral ancient tradition in one fell swoop. Of course the early spread of Christianity, and thus the overall development of the church, was influenced by the previously held beliefs and ideals of the people who converted, because, as Paul has showed us, even radical conversion will not change who you truly are at heart. To suggest that peoples whole thinking was simply transformed and none of the entire foundation of human psychology prior to that point managed to survive the advent of xianity in their respective regions is maybe a little ridiculous, a little conceited. The church did not drop entire from heaven. It was created and developed by people, fallible ones, inconsistent and sometimes self-serving ones.
I do recall the first time I proposed the idea of the church operating off co opted pagan rituals to my priest (then just a cute guy I was trying to get with) he turned to me and said “I think of them as baptized pagan rituals.”
I have no problem with that at all. I’d like to see more consciousness of it though, and possibly educate certain Christians about the deeper implications of that.
And so, just as in many places the church is still riddled with residual misogyny from the Greek and Hebrew foundations upon which it was built, not to mention the political expediency of maintaining control over women, so too have a great many pagan traditions survived that were incorporated by Celtic and Teutonic converts. This begs the question: how is Coptic Christianity different, how is Korean Christianity different, how is Indian Christianity different? All of those are unified by a central belief in the same basic precepts, but its ritual traditions are definitely influenced by the previously held beliefs of its converts. Each of those is influenced by the period in history during which it was introduced. This does not in any way diminish the validity of Christianity as a system of belief.
So, does one need to be a Jew to be a Christian? Jesus didn’t seem to think so. He himself rejected many of the ritual traditions and taboos of Judaism, though he was raised in the faith. He seems to roll right over the 10 commandments. He looked beyond religion and dogma to the truth of the divine, to the truth of people’s responsibility to one another, to the truth of his own authority to speak. He taught a way of living that was universally a good idea, relevant and applicable to anyone, not just Jews. Therefore, just as the Jews who became believers still kept many of the Hebrew laws, and continue to, so the pagans who became believers kept to many of their own traditional philosophies. It cannot be avoided I’m afraid, and i see no reason why it should be.
I do not know how the church developed its unholy terror of anything pagan, since it was the Pharisees and Sadducees, both Judaic political factions, that had the finger pointed at them by Jesus, and he doesn’t seem to have much to say to condemn paganism at all, except that he condemns all who put on an outward show of virtue but inside are unvirtuous.
Then again, I am only now renewing my study of the new testament and have only read the first three gospels so far, but I did once have a knowledge of the bible which was comparable to my current understanding of metaphysics, so this is really only a refresher, but I am of course seeing it with new eyes. Still its possible that the things I will read next may somehow contradict what I have read so far, but even that does not, for me, diminish the validity of the whole. I am accustomed to forgiving the inconsistencies in reporting and focusing purely on the core message.
And the message I am getting now looks a lot like the one I got before, which I was called sacrilegious for voicing, only now I have the benefit of a world of understanding to clarify what seem to be the inherent contradictions in what I have learned, as well as a much clearer perspective on those who said this.
Christians may not agree with me, but they don’t need to. Jesus didn’t say, “Be a good Christian.” He said love your neighbour, let your light shine, keep knocking, keep asking, it will be shown to you. Speak truth in spite of persecution. Have true faith and you can heal, be healed, change the world. Repent your hypocrisy and blindness and deafness. The kingdom of heaven is here, NOW.
Now.
That’s the part about it I find compelling.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

A disclaimer

There is a thing that needs clarifying. The things I am writing about right now are my own deal. I am sorting through some thoughts, and since I need an audience for everything, you guys get to be it. Do not be offended by anything you read, and do not get the wrong Idea. I am a lively speaker, but I speak from an open heart.
My beloved who inspires this will, I hope, understand that I tremendously value his inspiration, and that I love him all the more for it. This man treats me like a goddess, whatever he says, and I can ask no more.
Still I feel a great need to make clear what I am thinking about it all, and some philosphical contradictions I see at times. Do not anyone be freaked out, these are things I think about all the time and mostly dont talk about because nobody cares. So now somebody does, and it gets interesting.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

The Advanced Class Down The Hall

Oh yeah?
I can see this is going to be a long day of writing for me. Where to begin?
"The emphasis of traditional paganism, in the vast majority of its forms across the globe, was to maintain the status quo. Recognize the cycles, keep them going, keep the tribe together and unified, keep the seasons going, keep the land fertile. Keep the king on his throne, the women in the kitchen, and the slaves in their hovels."
Uhuh.
"11 Let a woman learn in silence with all submissiveness. 12 I permit no woman to teach or to have authority over men; she is to keep silent. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve; 14 and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. 15 Yet woman will be saved through bearing children, if she continues in faith and love and holiness, with modesty. 1 Tim.ch 2

1 Let all who are under the yoke of slavery regard their masters as worthy of all honor, so that the name of God and the teaching may not be defamed. 2 Those who have believing masters must not be disrespectful on the ground that they are brethren; rather they must serve all the better since those who benefit by their service are believers and beloved. Teach and urge these duties. " 1 Tim. Ch 6
Oh that zany St.Paul.
I bet this is what all those southern plantation owners quoted at each other so that they could breathe easy and go on to convert their African pagan slaves to the faith to save their souls and make them better workers.
I bet they were happier as pagans.
This is not a shot at my beloved priest, nor at the teachings of Jesus, which I, and many witches, revere as great wisdom. It is to show that from the first they were incompletely understood, and that even the earliest and most devout followers, nay, developers of the official Christian faith were not above warping it with their own biases.
I have read that Paul did not think of himself as "creating scripture" when he wrote his letters, that he did not imagine that those writings would become part of the fundamental doctrine of Christianity. I wonder if he would have been more careful, if he had known, to search his own heart to find the difference between the truth and the conditioning of the status quo of his own society, his own biases and attitudes that managed to carry through even such a revolutionary and transformative conversion experience as his was.
Would he? Or would he still say only "I've determined to know nothing among you but Jesus Christ, Jesus the Messiah and him crucified," and continue wrapping his interpretation of his messiah's teachings around the status quo he still maintained in his own mind, which he could not see because he placed his spirituality, his truth, outside himself.
Where is the personal development? What is the point? How can it be possible to be holy, to live a life which is truthful and whole, reconciled with God, ignoring ones own innermost experience of God? Dishonoring the divine within? We are to focus, if we look within at all, only on our hopelessly sinful natures, only on the negative. We are not to speak or to think of our own goodness, our own virtue. "Boast not of yourself, but of Christ"
We are to place all goodness, all virtue, all divinity on ONE man, one untouchable, perfect, fleshly being who lived once on the earth, who was the only human being ever worth anything, and the rest of us nothing but refuse to be consigned to the incinerator of hell if not for him, no matter what we do, how sincere and genuine our intent, our love for the divine or for each other. Ironically this is the same man who took all our sin, evil, and alienation upon himself so we would be free to experience God for ourselves. But we have to take it right back, reject the true gift of his salvation, and go back to wallowing in the consciousness of our evil and hopelessness.
Modern occultism’s emphasis on masculine/feminine duality is partly in recognition of the example we have been given of nature’s way of making magick, partly also a counter-statement to the duality of good/evil. Few things are ever so simple, and masculine/feminine duality is as much a childish oversimplification as good vs. evil.
I must remember that my priest has not the occult education to realize that when I speak in terms of masculine and feminine energies I am not necessarily speaking of male and female beings.
The masculine qualities are generally considered to be the linear, light, obvious, phallic, thrusting, penetrating dynamic forces of nature. Literal, rational, left brain, questing, hunting, conquering, ascending, outer, yang.
The feminine is considered to be the dark, cyclic, receptive, hidden, vaginal, surrendering forces. Intuitive, interpretive, right brain, creative, gathering, maintaining, descending, inner, yin.
Either of these energy forms can be used for good or ill, but are not inherently so in themselves. Neither of these are taken strictly literally, as it is recognized that male and female beings exhibit qualities commonly attributed to either gender in various different combinations. Two men or two women together can still enact the sacred drama of divine union by embodying those forces within themselves. Between positive and negative polarities all else is encompassed. They are two aspects of one thing. They can exist independently of each other, but each is still only half. When they join, something greater than the sum of its parts is created.
The point is that while they are recognized as different as night and day, one is not valued above the other. Though (alas) many of the feminine qualities I mention above have been villainized by conventional religious thinking. The insistence on associating evil with the feminine, via original sin, has been largely responsible not only for the retardation of the egalitarianism that could have emerged from the early Christian movement (perhaps if Paul had not been such a fucking misogynist, for example) but also the rejection of feminine sexuality which has caused repression, double standards and hypocrisy across the board.
Modern paganism revival, occultism, the new age movement, etc. are about reconciling the two estranged halves of the human psyche. A greater emphasis is placed on the sacred feminine because frankly women need a little something to counter centuries of being treated as chattel, getting told we are the devils gateway and being bullied and brainwashed into complicity with these attitudes. That shit really hurts, you know, and really has slowed down the development of humankind.
Absolutism denies all but itself, and represents only a tiny sliver of reality, a paper-thin layer of a multidimensional truth. Hows about some balance? Help others, but also help yourself. Love others, but also love yourself. Live in light, but do not fear the dark. Be rational and logical, but be prepared for that which defies logic. Honor God, and Goddess. Indulge when appropriate, abstain when appropriate. Have good sex at night, feed the hungry and clothe the naked by day. Why not? This is wholeness. Black and white are equal, but between them are infinite shades of grey, and all have their value, and none can be judged except in relation to the others.
All existence IS sacred, and by denying that we blind ourselves. All existence IS God, and therefore each of us is alienated from the divine only in our awareness. To deny the inner is to deny one half of the human relationship with God, and to deny that half is to make it no relationship at all, no matter who stands between to mediate.
4 For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving; 5 for then it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.
1 Tim. Ch 4
So there.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Sacred Sexuality

Depth calls on height, the Goddess on the God,
On him who is the flame that quickens her;
That he and she may seize the silver reins
and ride as one the twin-horsed chariot.
Let the hammer strike the anvil
Let the lightning touch the earth
Let the Lance ensoul the Grail
Let the magic come to birth.
*
Gardenerian invocation, Drawing Down the Sun
*
Ok, it now becomes necessary to bring it all together. Adhering to a spiritual philosophy that embraces such an idea as a Whore aspect to the Goddess, a Seducer aspect to the God, besides the Mother/Father aspects, tends to broaden ones perspective of the sacred, as well as considerably relaxing ones attitude to sex.
An it harm none, do as thou wilt.
This is the one and only “law” of the craft, and a valuable meditation, being that it cannot be taken literally.
Wicca is non-dogmatic and focuses on direct experience and observation of reality to provide guidance, rather than obeying specific rules that would prevent one from finding things out for oneself. This means that we do not make value judgments based on our opinion of how things ought to be, but rather we accept the nature of things as they are and try to understand why they work that way. We try to work within nature, while continually striving for higher consciousness and fuller experience of all levels of reality. It is partly about honoring nature, and partly about transcending it.
For example, some people are vegetarians because they feel that it is wrong to kill a conscious being to sustain ones own life. Others sense a different form of consciousness in plant life and are led by this to the conclusion that it is necessary for life to destroy other life in order to sustain itself. In order to avoid dying of starvation (or guilt) one somehow must make peace with the idea that every day several lives must be sacrificed to nourish one. This does not exempt us from the responsibility to be conscious, to behave in a compassionate way, and to avoid doing unnecessary harm, but it does imply that no sweeping good/evil judgment can be made regarding the issue of the killing of other beings. When we have come to peace with the idea that this greatest of all conflicts cannot be decisively resolved once and for all, this sense of ethical complexity tends to extend to many other issues.
Many establishment religions tend to regard sexuality as base, as merely physical, as taboo. Wicca differs in this because it sees humanity as one with the divine, and the divine nature as being expressed by and within its creation. We seek union with the divine both within ourselves and through others.
Looking around us we say, “Sexuality must be holy and magickal because it creates new life from a mystical union between opposite energies.” And we have based our whole approach to the sacred on this idea. We have based much of our approach to magick on this idea, and indeed sex between two partners who share focus, understanding, and unity of intent can BE a magickal act, giving birth to new realities of many kinds. In recognition that each physical thing has a spiritual nature, sex becomes a thing to be approached with reverence, sacred in itself without a need for any other justification.
It is felt by some that sexuality is only acceptable in the context of a romantic and emotional union. Implied within this is that that union be exclusive and permanent. This is a denial of the nature of many beings, for a variety of reasons, and an attitude that, when imposed on others, leads to many painful psychological problems as one tries to fit into a prescribed mode of “proper” feelings and behavior and, failing, begins to feel wrong, dirty, and shameful. To which we witches say, “Woah, relax. Everybody is different. An it harm none, do as thou wilt.”
This does not, to me, seem to imply that we can then go about wantonly taking advantage of others for our own gratification. That would run counter to the idea of honoring the divine in our partners. It also does not imply that we have any obligation whatsoever to engage in a binding state of union with that person, that particular channel of divine energy. Ordinary compassion and caring for them both as a human and as a spirit necessitates respect, tenderness and giving, but not locks and chains. It allows us to give love and pleasure, and to take it, while respecting the independence and emotional autonomy of the individual with whom a long-term union may not be appropriate or desirable.
Because we deal in multiple levels of reality, and because we recognize these levels as not individuated stages so much as an infinite gradient, it must be recognized that there will be different levels of divine experience available. It is possible to use sexuality and orgasm to transcend ones perceived limitations, reach higher states of personal consciousness, to attain greater psychic awareness, to work magick, to develop telepathic communication and dissolve barriers between oneself and ones chosen partner, be that partner long or short-term. Orgasm is the climax and release of the energies involved, but not necessarily the point for its own sake, fun as it may be.
Does the experience of orgasm and the erotic as sacred improve the world in any way? I think so. It resanctifies an act that has been desecrated by repression and exploitation by turns for centuries. It allows us to see our bodies as vessels of divine power and love, to bestow that love on whom we choose, and to feel good about it. Feeling good about who you are makes it easier to improve yourself, and to reach out to others with strong, open hands, a clear mind, and a joyous self love that then extends to the rest of the world, which is as sacred as you are. Plus people are just happier and more relaxed when they are getting well laid! You're damn right its important. It removes the alienation of shame and anger, recognizing that our sexuality will not change or go away simply because it is condemned by another person, by a whole society, religion, world. That condemnation(which stems from repressed passions itself)is more hurtful and damaging to individuals and society than any amount of playful promiscuity between consenting partners could ever be.
It seems to me that pagan sexuality does allow for greater intimacy between long-term partners than conventional attitudes to sex. Because we do not relegate it to a mere physical experience, but strive to unite on all levels, emotional, mental and spiritual as well, it seems to give greater depth to both the relationship and to the sexual experience itself. It implies a recognition of equality and oneness that is not possible in mere bodily fucking, even if the fucking couple happen to love each other very much. The unbridgeable separateness that is insistently imposed and maintained by such an attitude does not allow for the mystic states of union that a witch seeks with their soul mate.
This brings up the question of what happens when the two disparate types fall in love and want to get it on. He sees the Goddess in his lover and she sees no more than a man, or she worships him as the human face of her God and he considers this blasphemous. When one strives for tantric transcendence of physical boundaries through a sacred joining that takes place on all levels, and the other sees it as a mere exercise, or outlet, or even an expression of love, but a necessarily incomplete one, what happens? Needs must this detract from the physical/emotional experience of the one or the mystical/religious experience of the other? Well, no. She will still get intimate with a man she really loves, he will still touch the Face of the Goddess, but they will each be in a separate world from the other. There will be a gap in their relationship and in their understanding of each other, but then, there generally is in relationships anyway, isn’t there? And the rejected Goddess will wait, a little wistfully, for Her beloved, who seeks Her far away, to recognize Her. And perhaps He eventually will.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Mmmmm.... survey

Stolen from Cory's blog; enjoy. Yes it is a return to the earlier topic. I hope much (polite) controversial discussion will result. You guys didnt really want to get ME started on sex, did you? Didnt think so.
Religion Definition
are you mono or polytheistic?I am a non-literal poly. I see all things as One, and an ascending scale of wholeness. The One incorporates the All. The All divides into many parts, which further divide into many parts, and the more complete parts are what the less complete parts tend to ascribe divine status to.
do you subscribe to a major religion?Several of them, as well as several minor ones.
how do you feel about Jesus?Jesus was what some would call a boddhisatva, or ascended being. He was a person who incorporated the divine into himself in its entirety, while maintaining the entirety of his human individual being, thus proving that the limitations of time and space do not permanently alienate man from his divine origins. He showed that humanity is capable of attaining perfect union with their divine Self, and showed a way to create that connection. He is the ultimate manifestation of the Sacrificed God, who gives his body and blood to feed and strengthen humanity. He was a very wise and compassionate being who continues to bear the consequences of humanities confusion.
what holy book do you feel is most accurate (Bible, Koran, etc)They each have something valuable to teach, as does any work of human creativity as all inspiration is drawn from the ether and expresses intangible realities, but no book can replace sincere and loving observation of the true workings of reality. It matters less what you read and more what you interpret.
do you believe in reincarnation?yep
do you believe in the traditional heaven and hell?sure
do you believe in ANY heaven and/or hell?right here on earth, in my face, in my head
do you think the god(s) are vengeful or nice?Depends which ones you are talking to. Some of them are right dicks. however even the cruelest serve as gardeners pruning the Tree of Life.
do you believe in angels?Yes and also faeries, ghosts, demons, imps, succubi and extra terrestrials
do you believe in miracles?My life is fueled by them
do you believe in predestination?I am planning to go for beer after work
do you believe in original sin?thats a goddamn tricky question. I do not believe in the INHERENT sinfulness of humanity requiring salvation.
do you believe in freedom of will?This seems like a contradiction in terms. Your Will is a decision of intention. Once you have decided your will, that commits you to acting out your will and freedom is no longer a debatable issue. You have the choice, and the freedom of that choice, and you have the freedom to change your mind and choose something else(though if you keep changing your mind all the time your will isnt worth much), but perfect freedom and perfect will are mutually exclusive.
do you believe in souls?yes
what do you think will happen to you when you die?I find myself more concerned with what will happen to everyone I leave behind. I am planning some pretty impressive hauntings for the first little while afterwards anyway. heh.
do you think there will be an armageddon?weeeeeeeell, no, not as such. I think we are in for some pretty cataclysmic planetary changes and that certain prophets might have caught glimpses of what part of that will look like, but god almighty on a throne and judgement day and all that, nah.
why do you think we exist?Because we want to. There were plenty of realities that didnt, and therefore dont.
do you believe in life on other planets?The universe is a BIIIIG place. It would be a little ridiculous if our little speck was actually THE most happening place in it. Besides, if there wasnt then where would all the extra terrestrials come from???
do you believe in evolution?yes, and I look forward to it also.
do you think religion and science will always oppose the other?I believe that both modes of exploring and understanding reality will one day be sufficiently refined to see the resolution of any apparent conflicts between the two.
what would you say to God if you met him/her/them today?Probably not much. Id rather listen, though I have a great many questions.
anything else we should know?Dont think Im gonna tell you

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Monday, November 14, 2005

dead man's wheelchair

Apparently we are still looking for contributors to this event. We do actually have a wheelchair and each piece has to make use of it somehow, but it does not neccessarily have to represent a wheelchair within the piece. If any of my calgarian readers have a performance art piece, poem, rant, song, dance etc. that they would like to perform in 2 weeks time, get back to me asap.
I would also like to take this moment to acknowledge jeremy's contribution. The subheading "a vehicle for expression" was originally his idea, as "a vehicle for story". Alas that he is likely to make no further contribution due to his vehement dislike of the organizers.
Tough titty, I guess. Anyone else want in?

Sunday, November 13, 2005

My Life As A Sexy Diva

My eyes are burning from the fake lash glue and heavy, copious eyeliner, the inside of my bra and my bedsheets are covered in sticky gold glitter and i keep finding feathers.... everywhere.
We all suffer for our art, this is my suffering. After many hours of frustration designing that delightful wheelchair poster on the new computer they gave me at work that wont do anything (but is internet capable!) I skipped gaily off to the round up center for day 2 of the Taboo show. Day 1 was not quite a disaster, but was something of a mess.
13 models, mostly female. 4 segments. One stressed out lady from the Costume Shoppe trying to fit all her most elaborate outfits onto the show.
And me. Good thing too.
I brought with me a posse of talented performance artists who just happened somehow to be geared perfectly to the scenes she wanted to create. We did not rehearse anything, the friday show was the rehearsal. Tasha and I had discussed the actual details only a week before. She had harem outfits, greek gods, medieval costumes, and showgirls. My friend Charity is a bellydancer and burlesque performer, plus did the Kink show with me for over a year so she seemed kinda perfect. Rhean is crazy and will do anything and brought a fun and talented boy from art school to be our tallest showgirl. She didnt know what to do for the medieval part so I said "Want some guys to swordfight?" and she laughed and said, "Yeah that would be great." as if she thought I couldnt get her some top form swordsmen at a moments notice. I said "Let me make a phone call." and Travis, an old Poser and very experienced stage fighter, was delighted to bring along Riley and break his nose on stage (that part was an accident) with characteristic grace and flair.
We ran into much trouble with a bellydancing troupe who were performing at the show, who insisted that our harem girls could not dance. So on friday we just had them go out on stage and have a girl orgy, tastefully of course, this is not the Kink show after all.
Saturday we were told this was degrading to bellydancers (at the Taboo sex show!!!) and they wanted us to take the segment right out. We said no way and had them just go out and walk around waving scarves in an artful way, which was pretty if kind of lackluster. Charity was exceptionally patient about it all, she was in charge of coordinating that scene and could have made it amazing had she not been seriously held back by these limitations.
The best thing about the greek scene was the snake that was brought in for Medusa. This thing loved being at the show, it was the happiest friendliest snake I have ever seen. The music did not seem to bother it at all and it kept trying to slither on to the other girls, like it was saying hi to everyone. It seemed to find sparkles very attractive, it kept going for all the showgirls nipples backstage.
I, in a sequin banded top hat with big black and red plumes, 5 red feather boas hanging off my ass, and a red waist cincher which left the breasts exposed, (hence the nippleglitter) sang Fever acappella while being molested by showgirls as the big finale. It was rather effective. People cheered.
Again, this went much more smoothly the second day. Much.
Afterward I walked around and got my picture taken all over the place. Got told by the show that glitter glue was not adequate nipple coverage and could i please tape those up? More feather boas resolved the situation. People are such prudes.
I mean come on, this is the show which features such gems as an 18" long 5" diameter blown glass dildo, a machine that simulates pelvic thrust with both innie and outie attachments and variable speed control, and hardcore video porn on several different tv screens, and my glittery nipples are a problem?
Then I went to the dungeon and let them lock me in a cage and chain my wrists since i had been so bad. Chatted for about 20 minutes with the cage owner who gave me a shoulder massage the whole time and provoked much picturetaking.
I can wear 7 inch platform heels for up to 3 hours before I start wanting to die, that may be the most valuable thing I learned this weekend.
But maybe not, the Taboo show certainly has a new trick or two to teach even a jaded old showgirl like your favorite diva. I know that may be hard to believe, but well, no, no actually I think I am lying. Never mind. It just reminded me of some old tricks I already knew. Hee.
You all seemed bored of religion and metaphysics. Want to talk about sex instead? You pick.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

come one, come all

Friday, November 11, 2005

A Creation Myth

Somebody requested my thoughts on the origins of life in the universe, and where I think it is going. Here ya go Somebody.
In the beginning there was nothing.
I dont mean the kind of Nothing we have now, which contains all potentiality within its nonself, I mean really nothing. I mean hold in your mind the idea of absolute nothing, then take away your mind, the world around you, the totality of all the universe, every infinitesimal particle of anything remotely resembling anything, and lastly the idea itself, and you have something like the kind of nothing that I am talking about, only not at all.
It is impossible to know for precisely how long this state continued, since there was no such thing as time, continuation, or states, but at some point, possibly even several points at once, (not that points had been thought of yet, or thoughts) a very tiny speck of boredom suddenly was.
The boredom grew rapidly, as boredom will when there is absolutely NOTHING to do. Can you imagine Absolute Boredom? And so time was born, and passed very slowly indeed.
Eventually the boredom reached the point of urgency at which death becomes preferable to enduring one second more, only death had not yet been invented, so there was no alternative. It was an Impossible situation.
And so was born the first Idea, and the boredom died in its emergence. Thus are Life and Death as twins born embracing, born wrestling, the dynamic tension of their passionate dance raising and destroying worlds. Each triumphs over the other and surrenders in their turn. Each penetrates the other and sows the seeds of new Ideas, which burst out in all directions.
If you want to visualize what i mean, imagine a fireworks display where each spark of each flare becomes the center of it's own explosion, and all the sparks of that explosion become centers of their own and explode, and onward and ourward in perpetuity new fires are created which die as they create new fires. This radiates further and further out, the universe growing in all directions, filling the space inside a tiny point of vibrantly passionate existence locked in eternal union with its twin and opposite. Love separates them and makes them two, pulls them irresistably together to again become one, distance and separation being the sorrow, but also the joy, of Love.
And so Nothing is Impossible, and Life will ever triumph over Death, though Death will also always triumph over Life (She likes it when He pulls Her hair). Time moves very quickly for Lovers, but Inspiration is a full time job.
We had all just better hope they dont get bored.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

I would like to say thank you to each of you who, regardless of the frustrated tone in which they were written, took the words of my previous post to heart. I did not demand that anyone bow to anyone else, only that we do not tower over one another pointing fingers, for if we do we miss the point.
In recognition of this, even he of many names came down from his ceaseless criticism of everyone but himself and all methods but his own (teasing, but quite serious. I love you but look in a mirror now and then ok?) and shared with us a beautiful golden nugget of his own perspective. That was an excellent definition of magick, and something I have not heard you say before. I would definitely like to see more of that kind of thing, now that we are all more than clear on how you feel about Christians.
The revolution thanks you all for playing. Please keep sharing.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

clarifying the mess

I am trying to promote healthy relations between the various approaches to spirituality in the people close to me. This is largely for my own benefit, but for everyone else’s just as much. I feel that we will only be close to an understanding of the nature of reality when we can take off the blinders and recognize another person’s perspective as another piece of the puzzle.
Antagonism and combativeness are not in my opinion very efficient ways to communicate, though they can be fun and entertaining. I find it much more constructive when we can focus on the reasoning behind our individual approaches to spirituality without getting caught up in why everyone else is wrong. This sometimes requires that we make distinctions, compare and contrast systems and separate traditions or denominations within a system, but I do not feel such comparisons necessarily imply value judgments.
We are not here to make conversions. Every contributor to this conversation is a strong minded individual who is well established in the reasoning behind their particular beliefs. I am interested in what those reasons are, and the experiences and thoughts that led to them, not in ripping people down for what they believe or the way they believe it.
I think it is a bit unfair to hold one person accountable for the crimes that have been perpetuated in the name of their particular religion, and to equate this abuse with the religion itself.
It would also be helpful if we were not too easily offended by the ignorance or lack of understanding of another, or too ready to jump on semantics or unintentional phraseological inaccuracies, ignoring the core essence of what is being said. I would like to see intelligent dialogue, not clever attack and defense. We are all adults, deserving of equal respect and capable of giving it also.
I am especially interested in enhancing understanding between the magick based and Christian based camps, for obvious reasons. Neither one really understands what the other is about. Is this because we have not cared to listen? I have to listen now, and I have to speak with deeply thoughtful care to one who is listening intently to me.
I would not tolerate him attacking any of you for your particular beliefs, not that he ever would, and so I ask that everyone speak with love for the subject, not distain for the other contributors. I don’t know how to make it any more clear than that. If certain individuals are unable to see the difference between this and censorship, they will be deprived of a learning experience as well as the opportunity to teach.
I insist on this because he has already made a bigger effort to understand my spirituality than I expected. I have met lots of decent Christians, but few who were willing to come down from the pulpit long enough to try to understand me. He had his own preconceptions about paganism, which I have challenged and largely succeeded in clearing up, while at the same time re examining many of my own Ideas and revising certain things. He has come to embody the best aspects of Christianity for me, the greatest of which is Love. He has not made the least effort to convert me, and has shown great respect for my beliefs, even going so far as to create for me the most beautiful gift of magical artwork i have recieved. I am learning a great deal from this man who is not unwilling to learn from me, who is my Priest and counterpart as no trained magician ever was, and is fully deserving of inclusion in the circle of the Wise.
What I am saying is I have chosen. Get used to him.
It is worth noting that so far not one of his Xian friends has taken issue with me for my religion, or with him for dating a witch.
I have begun to make a point of separating my feelings about Christ from my feelings about Christianity, my feelings about Christianity from my feelings about the church, and thanks to increasingly in depth conversations with my Priest I have also begun to make the distinction between the church as an institution and the church as a spiritual community. Then we go one more step and address the individual members of that community as themselves alone. Examine that idea, you guys.
Because so many modern manifestations of magickal traditions are marketed as being alternative to establishment religions, the negative aspects of those religions, their leaders and institutions, tend to be emphasized, possibly to the point of exaggeration. If we fail then to research these traditions with the same objective willingness to learn that we show our own it becomes very easy to vilify them as oppressive. The church turned our gods into devils for the same reasons and now we are doing it to them. Once upon a time the religious systems we borrow so freely from WERE the establishment, and they got toppled.
Can anyone else see this endless cycle for the laughable hubris that it is?
Something that has always appealed to me about the magickal paths is that, while they are exclusive unto themselves they do not deny the validity of other paths. That does not stop many practitioners from being as narrow minded and ignorant as the establishment guys we all poke such fun at, but ideally we should be striving to learn what we can from any and all sources. I am a big fan of appropriating and incorporating whatever tidbits of other religious practices please me, much to the chagrin of strict purists, not naming any names. I believe that it is all one. I believe such lofty Ideas as "world peace" will only be possible when people quit being so fucking tribal and realize that we are all part of this, we are co creating this, it is all from one source. In recognition of this, the central truth of my personal belief system, I freely share magickal "secrets" with whomever I think can use them to enhance their happiness and expand their awareness. I often use words like "art", "affirmations", "psychology", "nurealizm", etc., because of the stigmas that have become attached to magick and psychism, either through fear of its power or contempt for what is viewed as superstition. The things I teach are effective, not because of the names they are called by, but because of the changes they produce in the psyche and the corresponding positive changes that are then created in the world as a result. I am a good priestess, but I preach in the names of wholeness of being, totality of awareness, and general, self evident (to me) good sense.
An awful lot of stupidity and bigotry gets to parade around calling itself religion or philosophy. Everybody up on a high horse thinking they have found the "one truth", dismissing all others, showing nothing but a blind ignorance of the ideologies they arrogantly sweep aside or demonize in favor of their own. It has been pissing me off my whole entire life and that is why I am increasingly such a rabid advocate of universal inclusion.
We will never see the whole picture if we keep tossing out pieces of the puzzle.

Friday, November 04, 2005

silence, between lovers, is a sound
louder than the quiet closing of a wound
more eloquent than poetry
composed in midnight solitude
meditations on the sacred name
serenade wordlessly chanted
two names
love’s and yours

they are the same
a speechless hymn
within the heart expanded
sings it’s perfect self
in variations infinite
to move the universe with song
we, if worthy, are it’s instruments

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Post Samhain Blues

It has been said that Halloween, not Xmas, is the true season of giving. This is because we buy loads of candy and give it to whoever knocks on our doors indiscriminately, instead of buying presents for those select few we want to.
Samhain is the witches new year. The harvest is over, the darkness is closing in, winter looms like a shadow just out of sight, its icy breath raising the fine hairs on the back of your neck. The cold dark embrace beckons, and all the natural world falls into its arms with a sigh.
We celebrate in a feast of frivolity and fantasy. We hold up candles and glowsticks to ward off the approaching night. We disguise ourselves as the things we fear most, so that those spirits will think we are their kin and do us no harm as they pass. We identify with our nightmares to take away their power over us. It is a powerful time of self examination and reflection, facing the shadow self. Looking to understand the dim fears that move within us, so easily ignored by light of day...
This is the esence of magickal consciousness, my dear friends. Seeing what is actually there, seeing behind what is presented, to the essence. Taking intentional part in the mystical realities that all "belief" is based on. Sucking the juicy marrow out of every experience and witnessing the abiding truth in patterns of change.
Life is really like myths, really like fairy tales, when your mind is attuned that way. Eerie plot twists and deus ex machina surface quite naturally all the time.
And when you are attuned so it is quite natural that life should begin, to a certain extent, to flow along in harmony with seasonal tides and so on.
So its really interesting that on the day of the new year I find myself with a 30 day deadline to find a new job. Alas for the dead and gone.
I think I'm gonna go work for toys 'r' us. Halloween may be the season of giving, but Xmas is the season of selling. Alas for the appropriated and commercialized.
I applied also for an entry level graphic design position that I almost fit the qualifications for. That would rule but I am not getting my hopes too far up.
It has been a productive day considering I called in sick to work.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Tragickal Unconsciousness

The following is an excerpt from an msn conversation I had with Oolon this morning. My apologies to Cory if he is in any way offended by this. You are also more than capable of sticking up for yourself, I know. I think it clarifies a few things. A very good example of what I was saying in my last comment. I also think that the remark of Cory's that Oolon quotes here was kind of funny, and not bitchy at all, for the record. I also want to say that he is the absolute most open minded real Christian I have ever met, and he is a great example of integrity in that he is faithful to his convictions but willing to learn and grow.
Oolon is a great Wizard in some very real ways, and his influence has been key to my development. I value everyones input, and want us all to be friends!
Plus I said some clever stuff during it and thats the first clever stuff I have written all week. More to follow, I hope.
m:
you and cory are having quite the lively argument
o:
yeah...i like strixy...he's funny...i like your xian too..he's funny in a different way
m:
yes he sure is
o:
yeah...i didnt intend for the conversation with cory to take a turn of personal attack...but it seems that is how he took my statements
m:
you did seem pretty attacking at points actually
o:
to xiananity in general
m:
i commented on it all
o:
well and my last comment on him leaving
o:
i am writing a response now..but trying to turn it more back to the topic of 'magickal consciousness'
m:
i would like things to stay in the realm of civilized debate
o:
i would also...i have not become uncivilized in this....i am the 'mean' one
o:
alot of my comments are alot less earnest than they appear
m:
yes well there is cutting wit and then there is bitchiness
o:
cory has been a bit bitchy
m:
cory has been a bit defensive
m:
as well he might
o:
"can at least give you the lesser victory of appearing smarter than I am when you admire yourself in the mirror. That's gotta' count for something, right? "
m:
he has not attacked magic or paganism ever
m:
it is not constructive
o:
but whatever..i am sneering on xianity...i have no choice..it is an awful blasphemy
o:
and i am stirring up shit like you asked
o:
and its true about religious people being delusional
m:
yes it certainly is
m:
and the real point that i want to get at is that EVERY religion is a fabrication
o:
that is my point too!!!!!
m:
including paganism, quabbalah, ceremonial magick
o:
or one i was going to get at
m:
its all a bunch of made up shit that has grown up around the truth like vines
o:
its not entirely fictional..the fables and myths perhaps....but the observations on spiritual human condition is valid
m:
mimicking the shape, but not succeeding in expressing the reality
o:
i agree
m:
all religion is valid for the same reasons
m:
and so, if we can see past our own particular brand preference, which is all individual beliefs are, we can se the underlying truth in it all
o:
its not individual in the nature of religious context however
o:
if i say 'i am "(insert religion)"
o:
i must by sypathy to that brand of faith believe in its view of spiritual reality only
m:
not neccesarily at all
m:
what specific ideas do you see me clinging to?
m:
before i met cory i was the most religiospiritual person i knew
o:
hmm..the reality of greater spiritual reality...but i consider you a pragmatist...which reduces my scepticism
m:
well i am and i incorporate from everywhere. i dismiss nothing
o:
yes only if it has a function!
m:
everything has a function
o:
mmm...yeah...but that function can be positive or negative....and either does have its place...but truly believing in some guy rising after 3 days of stinking up a cave is not a pragmatic function
m:
it can be
o:
i'm a pragmatist too....and i believe that function should have practical use
m:
as much as believing that odin survived or that osiris got put back together again. its about the psychic response to the archetypal thought
m:
literal belief in things is not uncommon. your beliefs, for example, must be very literal or you would not insist so on precise form and detailed ceremony. you would not insist that every word and gesture must be correct (in ritual)
o:
true
m:
you would not spend so much time researching SYSTEMS, you would simply be guided by spirit as seemed best at the time, as i am because my beliefs are not literal
m:
and i do not invalidate literal belief by that, i only dont see it as very practical. but that is why in my comment i suggested that we all examine our own beliefs objectively and examine ourselves,because your religion has put blinders on you too, and from that position, you dont have much impunity for calling others down
o:
i have no 'religion'
m:
not so, you just dont call it religion. you are a strict devotee of hermes, whether you think of that literally or not. you are very dogmatic and often quite inflexible
o:
there is no faith i ascribe too....i am a thelemite but that doesnt imply religious praxis
m:
again, you have built yourself a framework that you do not often stray from and often cannot see past. argue if you want, but also look deeper
o:
no i get what your saying and it is true. everyone has their own filters, but some are developed by individual exploration , pragmatic and skeptical analysis.... others are taught by clergy and are limited to a single religious treatise, and some a little of both
m:
yes but the former are just as harmful when they become a cage for awareness instead of a vehicle for progress. when you hit the point where you stop developing and start judging instead, you are as bad as the most sheepheaded xian. you never know everything, and each perspective has the potential of enriching ones awareness if we listen respectfully and objectively, and dont provoke people until thay are no longer comfortable speaking
o:
perhaps to some lesser of greater degree....but often in the lesser degree it is involuntary on behalf of the speaker. i was not trying to make him uncomfortable
m:
you were a bit lashing
o:
and i am not sure what he is talking about the 'clergy insult'
m:
it semed you were
m:
or trying to mask your own discomfort
o:
i insulted no clergy explicitly..perhaps inplicit in my religious scorn but certainly i made no direct insult of clergy
o:
nephillim did
m:
well perhaps he was addressing her then
m:
may i have your permission to publish this conversation? somewhat edited of course
o:
depends...could i see what you are going to publish before you do?
m:
sure. i just think that we have had some interesting talk today
o:
i agree
m:
and i would like to share it
m:
and i think that would go a long way toward promoting intertribal understanding as it were
o:
sure..thats great!