Sacred Sexuality

Depth calls on height, the Goddess on the God,
On him who is the flame that quickens her;
That he and she may seize the silver reins
and ride as one the twin-horsed chariot.
Let the hammer strike the anvil
Let the lightning touch the earth
Let the Lance ensoul the Grail
Let the magic come to birth.
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Gardenerian invocation, Drawing Down the Sun
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Ok, it now becomes necessary to bring it all together. Adhering to a spiritual philosophy that embraces such an idea as a Whore aspect to the Goddess, a Seducer aspect to the God, besides the Mother/Father aspects, tends to broaden ones perspective of the sacred, as well as considerably relaxing ones attitude to sex.
An it harm none, do as thou wilt.
This is the one and only “law” of the craft, and a valuable meditation, being that it cannot be taken literally.
Wicca is non-dogmatic and focuses on direct experience and observation of reality to provide guidance, rather than obeying specific rules that would prevent one from finding things out for oneself. This means that we do not make value judgments based on our opinion of how things ought to be, but rather we accept the nature of things as they are and try to understand why they work that way. We try to work within nature, while continually striving for higher consciousness and fuller experience of all levels of reality. It is partly about honoring nature, and partly about transcending it.
For example, some people are vegetarians because they feel that it is wrong to kill a conscious being to sustain ones own life. Others sense a different form of consciousness in plant life and are led by this to the conclusion that it is necessary for life to destroy other life in order to sustain itself. In order to avoid dying of starvation (or guilt) one somehow must make peace with the idea that every day several lives must be sacrificed to nourish one. This does not exempt us from the responsibility to be conscious, to behave in a compassionate way, and to avoid doing unnecessary harm, but it does imply that no sweeping good/evil judgment can be made regarding the issue of the killing of other beings. When we have come to peace with the idea that this greatest of all conflicts cannot be decisively resolved once and for all, this sense of ethical complexity tends to extend to many other issues.
Many establishment religions tend to regard sexuality as base, as merely physical, as taboo. Wicca differs in this because it sees humanity as one with the divine, and the divine nature as being expressed by and within its creation. We seek union with the divine both within ourselves and through others.
Looking around us we say, “Sexuality must be holy and magickal because it creates new life from a mystical union between opposite energies.” And we have based our whole approach to the sacred on this idea. We have based much of our approach to magick on this idea, and indeed sex between two partners who share focus, understanding, and unity of intent can BE a magickal act, giving birth to new realities of many kinds. In recognition that each physical thing has a spiritual nature, sex becomes a thing to be approached with reverence, sacred in itself without a need for any other justification.
It is felt by some that sexuality is only acceptable in the context of a romantic and emotional union. Implied within this is that that union be exclusive and permanent. This is a denial of the nature of many beings, for a variety of reasons, and an attitude that, when imposed on others, leads to many painful psychological problems as one tries to fit into a prescribed mode of “proper” feelings and behavior and, failing, begins to feel wrong, dirty, and shameful. To which we witches say, “Woah, relax. Everybody is different. An it harm none, do as thou wilt.”
This does not, to me, seem to imply that we can then go about wantonly taking advantage of others for our own gratification. That would run counter to the idea of honoring the divine in our partners. It also does not imply that we have any obligation whatsoever to engage in a binding state of union with that person, that particular channel of divine energy. Ordinary compassion and caring for them both as a human and as a spirit necessitates respect, tenderness and giving, but not locks and chains. It allows us to give love and pleasure, and to take it, while respecting the independence and emotional autonomy of the individual with whom a long-term union may not be appropriate or desirable.
Because we deal in multiple levels of reality, and because we recognize these levels as not individuated stages so much as an infinite gradient, it must be recognized that there will be different levels of divine experience available. It is possible to use sexuality and orgasm to transcend ones perceived limitations, reach higher states of personal consciousness, to attain greater psychic awareness, to work magick, to develop telepathic communication and dissolve barriers between oneself and ones chosen partner, be that partner long or short-term. Orgasm is the climax and release of the energies involved, but not necessarily the point for its own sake, fun as it may be.
Does the experience of orgasm and the erotic as sacred improve the world in any way? I think so. It resanctifies an act that has been desecrated by repression and exploitation by turns for centuries. It allows us to see our bodies as vessels of divine power and love, to bestow that love on whom we choose, and to feel good about it. Feeling good about who you are makes it easier to improve yourself, and to reach out to others with strong, open hands, a clear mind, and a joyous self love that then extends to the rest of the world, which is as sacred as you are. Plus people are just happier and more relaxed when they are getting well laid! You're damn right its important. It removes the alienation of shame and anger, recognizing that our sexuality will not change or go away simply because it is condemned by another person, by a whole society, religion, world. That condemnation(which stems from repressed passions itself)is more hurtful and damaging to individuals and society than any amount of playful promiscuity between consenting partners could ever be.
It seems to me that pagan sexuality does allow for greater intimacy between long-term partners than conventional attitudes to sex. Because we do not relegate it to a mere physical experience, but strive to unite on all levels, emotional, mental and spiritual as well, it seems to give greater depth to both the relationship and to the sexual experience itself. It implies a recognition of equality and oneness that is not possible in mere bodily fucking, even if the fucking couple happen to love each other very much. The unbridgeable separateness that is insistently imposed and maintained by such an attitude does not allow for the mystic states of union that a witch seeks with their soul mate.
This brings up the question of what happens when the two disparate types fall in love and want to get it on. He sees the Goddess in his lover and she sees no more than a man, or she worships him as the human face of her God and he considers this blasphemous. When one strives for tantric transcendence of physical boundaries through a sacred joining that takes place on all levels, and the other sees it as a mere exercise, or outlet, or even an expression of love, but a necessarily incomplete one, what happens? Needs must this detract from the physical/emotional experience of the one or the mystical/religious experience of the other? Well, no. She will still get intimate with a man she really loves, he will still touch the Face of the Goddess, but they will each be in a separate world from the other. There will be a gap in their relationship and in their understanding of each other, but then, there generally is in relationships anyway, isn’t there? And the rejected Goddess will wait, a little wistfully, for Her beloved, who seeks Her far away, to recognize Her. And perhaps He eventually will.