rising sun rise/crow shadow fall

one final word on the subject of jeremy, and then it is closed.
i have forgiven very terrible things of many people. many of my readers who are old friends are among those. i have been forgiven similarly terrible things. i will continue to forgive, and to seek forgiveness for my wrongs, because it is my way. now.
in the year and a half before renewing contact with him, i suffered from and awful hate which was like a living thing in me. it stemmed from the intense pain of having been misunderstood, misjudged, and treated as something without value by someone very important to me. when i finally sought closure and release, i found reconcilliation. i unconditionally forgave and was forgiven, and we wiped the slate clean so we could mess it up some more.
sounds a lot like life, doesnt it?
i do not regret this, i do not regret trusting, i do not regret loving. i feel very sad, and afraid, because in spite of all i see him as someone important to me and wish not to lose his friendship, if indeed i ever had it.
this may sound ludicrous to those of you who read both our blogs and know the extent of the wrath and disrespect he has been feeling for me lately.
each of you, old friends, has the same regard from me. most of you are considered to some extent underserving of my love and commitment by the others. there are some exceptions, but there is an extraodinary division between all those i love.
i make no excuses. i have made lousy choices.however they are my choices. this is my heart. love is not a thing i make choices about, it is a thing that happens to me whether i will or no. i choose my actions. they have not been faultless in this.
we are all of us capable of dishonesty.
what i regret is the mess, and the hurt.
jeremy, i am sorry.
the rest of you quit bickering and being so cruel to each other. it was very amusing during the haiku war, but this does not even have the merit of a poetic excercise. i will not speak of him again, and i would like everyone else to please respectfully do the same.
oh, and cunning linguist, while i can appreciate that you were annoyed at having your literary tastes mocked, i find your response disproportionate.
its not the first time, frankly, that i have heard such things about ayn rand. i wouldnt know, but surely you have worthier uses for your time and energy than this.
i sincerely hope in the future i will see such ethusiastic commentary on the posts that are actually about something important. i work pretty hard on someof thse you know, not to mention the poetry.i know you are all capable of reaching higher than these squabbles.
and so am i.
the subject of jeremy is now closed.